i survive

oho holla, i write this for my english training. this is my story. about my real story. who am I, and what i am doing in this 19 y.o body girl.

A few days ago, im turning 19 in 4 november. my mom bought me a new phone. in my 18 birth day my mom bought me a new camera, in my 17 birthday i graduated from high school and in my 16 birthday i had hardest time in my entire life untill now.

this is my real story, i will tell you first im not pretty, im not amazing like other. i just ordinary girl who loved kpop and everything about multimedia, and when i was in junior and senior high school, im fat ( and still) im not pretty, i had so much acne (but everything getting better since i student of uni)

there so much hard time that i’ve been through till this age. but the most hardest time is when i was in junior and high school. but the most hardest time is when i was in high school.

junior high school and change me a lot. in junior high school i had bad friend, i mean she change me a lot. and that was in year 3 junior. she always asked me to go to the mall everyday for meet her boyfriend and it make me dared to stand against my parents, it happen in a year. i do what she want. I even left my best friend for her. i falling in love with a guy that i dont even never meet him. she said he is her cousins. she told me a lies, so many lies that she of told me. she said that her cousins was kidnapped, and she died after get kidnapped. that was my embarrasing time. if my mom telling me that story ill get out from my mom room.

then all of that shit in junior high school was done, but i change a lot. i change to be quiet person, i prefer to be alone and i hate the crowd, I rarely talk to my parents. i graduated from junior school. i had bad score, so I received in school was very far from my house.

in year 1 is fine, but everything starting from year 2 but i can handle it and i found 2 new friend, i mean they really friend they care about me and they didnt expect anything from me, and one of them is really smart and she dont mind for teaching me about subjects, but in the third year everything is like hororr story, everything is going bad, i feel i got bullying from everyone in my class.I do not get a physical bully. they bullying me like, laughing at me, even im not doing something funny, I feel like they talking about me in the behind, i dont know why ,but when i talking to them, they always laughed at me. and the most hurting one is, someone is stabbing in my photo class photo, only my face they stabbing it. i know who do that, but i just ignore them.

and it make me do not want going to school, im to stress for facing them, im ashamed to be stupid person. i dont have any mood booster in Schooll even my friend. and since that i had social anxiety. i scared if people talking behind me.

i behave like im fine, but im not. but in the 2nd semester everything getting worst. i didnt pass my exam and it make me hopeless. some friend Also not pass in the exam but, i dont know why but i feel they push me down, they yelling at me. they said im totally stupid and no one supporting me in class. just my family. and it can not make me fine Because I spend almost my entire day in school.

the day when they said im not pass in the exam, I run to the toilet i crying. i trying to keep my voice but i cant. and here the most dumbest intentions that i ever think, SUICIDE. i know this is stupid, i just thinking if i die everything will be going right, and im done with that shit. that day i planning to hit a truck with my motorcycle and everything will be done and i planning for Donating what i have, i dont need to see my mom crying, my dad sad anymore. but my right mind showing me a good memories of my family, my right mind showing me my mom laughed at me, but she stopped Because she know that i already die. i thinking how sad my friend when i die, and i want to make my dream Become true, i want to watching my mom growing old and give her what she deserve for taking care of me. i want to make my parents happy Because they having me

while i thinking about that, my friend coming and told me that we can study over again for the exam, and i already stressful Because The first exam.im trying to learning again and i pass. i graduated.

i was received in university, but really far from my house, placed next by my city. i tried to change my self, i want to be my self. i change to be funny person, i trying to study harder. i looking for some friend in uni, even now i had squad and i easy for making friend with someone else. i come back to be my self. no one know my story, no one know that i had a hard time in the past. i dont care about my past, i just want to make my future better than my past. but one thing that not change i still had my social anxiety. i scared if people talkin about me behind.

thankyou for read my story, and if you had hard time like me, just believe it everything is going to be okay. you have to believe you can change to be better person and just do what you want and believe yourself.

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